It's raining men!

Just saying that's how my life feels right now.  Everyone knows some awesome guy who'd be great for me and there are all these great guys in my classes and in friend circles who are all up in my singleness.  Some of them are super creepy.  Some of them are very amazing guys who I'd love to get to know and love hanging out with.

When I was freshly single and feeling ridiculously vulnerable and wanted someone to just make sure I wasn't alone I would have maybe been a bit more open to just going home with these guys.

But I don't want a one night stand with a guy.  I want to date, go out and have fun.  Take my time finding the right guy because I've done a really good job of letting bad ones into my life in the past.

I'm only 22 years old.  I want to travel, I want to go to law school and I want to make sure I have an amazing career.  To do all that the other things I want in my life (like children) are on the back burner.  I'm having a great time and I'm meeting amazing people who are helping make some amazing memories in Madison.

Thanksgiving Break (and because Becky is on bed rest)

My dad made me pull out drawers for my cupboard and a new shelf for under my little island thingy.  So nice to have a handy dad and a nice landlord who gives me a break on rent for things we do to improve the apartment. 

CHRISTMAS PUPPY! Parents also helped me put up my christmas tree and decorations

My parents jumping around at the football game

Rushing the field at the end of the game.  ROSE BOWL!

Drastic

For about a month I've wanted to do something drastic with my hair. Tonight I did. I'm brunette.  

Amazing

Amazing four days and nights.  I love my life and all my wonderful friends.  I got to hang out with so many different and awesome people.  It's amazing how free I feel.  Now if only I could get these Europe plans set better.

Last night

Was ridiculous.  And hilariously fun.  I love my friends.  And I love meeting new people through Jon and Kyle.

BEST DAY EVER!

It was ridiculously nice out today.  So I went to the terrace and studied and met all sorts of beautiful puppies.  And then I went home and walked my own puppy (dog) and then we sat on the porch.  IN NOVEMBER!

My favorite of all was an Alaskan Malamute.  Oh man.  If they didn't shed like crazy I would get one.  It's so fluffy! (You have to imagine I'm saying it like the little girl on Despicable Me).  This one is not nearly as cute as the other one.  AND not half as cute as my Anna.  We have made lots of friends in the neighborhood who have puppies recently.  I love having an animal.  Other than her hair everywhere...

Falling for Betrayal is worse...

Dragon Costume 75 percent done.

Here it is.  I am finishing the top right now but I am so excited about what it's going to look like tonight.  Hopefully it won't get too cold so I can wear the top I'm planning on wearing.

Apple Pie follow-up

So here is what happened to what (I assume) was a delicious apple pie.  I baked it the same night I cooked a massive pot of spaghetti.  So I wasn't hungry for pie by the time I'd eaten dinner.  So I put it in a plastic ziploc bag for the night. The next day I worked 8 hours.  When I returned home, all ready to eat a slice of pie I found this:

Except it was on the ground in my kitchen.  Needless to say I have a very fat bad dog.  I was so mad.  So now I'm going to have to buy new apples next weekend at the farmer's market and try again.  At least I didn't make the crust by hand or I would have cried.  

Cooking and Baking

I made an apple pie tonight. It's the first I've ever baked.  I've been doing a really good job making all sorts of wonderful food lately.  Like a super health chili and sesame noodles.  All with lots of healthy foods found (mostly) at the farmers market.

This is not how my apple pie looked but I'd like to have one like this eventually.

DJAS Masterpiece

Tonight my families stallion DJAS Masterpiece had a tumor rupture and needed to be put down.  He was the horse I always wished I could ride and show.  He was the horse that made me love horses.  I'm going to miss him so much.

I'm glad he got to live his life eating grass running around a massive pasture and pretending he had a whole heard of mares (even though 2 of them are geldings).  He was always full of himself, even as an old man.  I'm never going to find a horse like him.  I hope you are happily running somewhere wonderful Master.

The last one is Master's sire Hal Gazal but that's pretty much what Master looked like in his prime.  

A good night

I had crab for dinner. I danced and drank and laughed and talked with people I really enjoy.  All in all, a goodnight.

Happy

It's amazing how good I feel.  I'm so energetic and motivated to get stuff done.  I've been having an amazing semester so far and I have been meeting some the most awesome people.  I really recognize how much I gave up of myself and how much I wrapped my own happiness into Pat and his needs.  I realize how unhealthy our relationship was especially the last six months.  None of my own needs were met while I tried to make him feel better about how sucky he was feeling.

After going through something I never want to go through again I'm realizing how much better I feel about my life.  I realize how much better I feel about myself now, how much better I feel about my decisions for what I'm doing with my life.  I get to decide and do what I want without concerning myself with how it will work for Pat while he didn't care how it would work for me when he made decisions.

I've realized how selfish our relationship was and how one sided.  I put effort in while he did what was best (or not necessarily best) for him based on his own wants or how other people preceived him.  Fuck that.  I'm doing what makes me happy.  I'm cooking more again, and exercising all the time. I've taken up meditation which is an amazing tool when I'm flipping out about school and life.

I really honestly hope Pat can figure out how to be happy.  But I'm glad I didn't marry him.  I'm glad I didn't stay with him this whole year because I know that I would just be depressed and moppy instead of happy and having a good time.  I was always so concerned about him. Now I get to be concerned about me.  It's a nice feeling, taking care of me instead of taking care of the both of us.

EUROPE!! LAW SCHOOL!!

Europe: I have about 12% of my total Europe fund saved.  Which doesn't include my credit card which I want paid off before I leave. It's very exciting.  Also, I've been getting Samantha Brown Passport to Europe DVDs.  This month Christy, Steph and I are going to evaluate all the things we want to do and make our permanent list of places.  The wiki hasn't been touched in about two months but when we get an actual itinerary it will be much better. I already keep dreaming of what we are going to do and see and I am over the top excited about it.  

On top of all the Europe planning I have my applications to law schools coming together nicely.  It's been a lot of slow work because I have transcripts from so many different schools and I can't remember what my GPA is from the U of M nor do I remember any of my login info for the U of M.  My goal this weekend is to turn out another draft of my personal statement and nail down my letters of recommendation.  

I've paid all my fees. (Gulp).  And I have filled out a majority of the applications.  I hate them so much it makes me cry a little.  But carry on and soldier forth and all that rot.  (Look I'm using British colloquialisms).  

Tea

When I was little and sick my mom used to make me tea at bed time or on random "special" occasions she would make us "sleepy" time tea.  It was always exciting and comforting.

I've gotten into the habit of making myself "sleepy" time tea before bed the last couple of weeks.  I like it.  It's very nommy and comforting.

This makes it even more fun...

True, true, true

How to train your dragon.

Such an amazing movie.  I say it tonight with my friend Steph at the Union.  It was great.  The movie was good, we got to eat chipotle in the movie, AND it was free! I love being in college.  I need to utilize these types of things more often.  Like the SERF to work out, which I'll be doing tomorrow.

First Day of School

Actually my first class was yesterday and yesterday was fine.  Today was weird.  I was totally off on the time one of my classes started and walked in twenty minutes late.  I forgot my computer cord at home and had to run and get it.  My french homework was taking me forever and I really should have worked on it yesterday.  I'm not ready for french.  Not at all.  I thought about dropping it but then I'd have to pick up something else and I already bought the passcodes for the website and spent $100 on them.  I don't really know what to do but I am definitely needing a kick in the butt for motivation.  I am just so apathetic to everything about school.  I need to work on my applications to Grad school too.  This weekend? Homework and Grad School apps and maybe some fun times thrown in too.

Halloween II

Slowly piecing together some ideas for how to do my dragon costume for Halloween.
So far:

Something like that.  With a skirt, leggings, boots and a top yet to be determined.  I'm not really sure how I'm going to do it.  I need to draw it all out I think and then buy fabric to make the actual costume.  The mask might be a bit of a problem so I might just do face paint.  We'll see.  I'm definitely liking this idea.  Now to execute it all. 

Positives

My life is full of positives.  I have a wonderful, supportive family who all love me and would do anything for me.  I have awesome friends who are willing to drive to Madison to be with me because they know I'm hurting.  I have awesome friends who want to set me up with guys because they think I'm an amazing person.

I have a job I enjoy where I make good money.

I am a nice, compassionate person.  I have lots of good things about me and my life that make this not the worst.  I have plenty of years left to meet someone who isn't going to cheat and lie.  Plenty of good things going on.

Halloween

I LOVE HALLOWEEN.  That is why I am already looking at costumes.  Hoping to find something that I can not only look good in but also won't  freeze.  I'm a big fan of functional as well as attractive.  But maybe this year I'll go a little more out there than I have in the past.  So far everything I'm looking at would definitely require a cuddle buddy afterwards or skating tights at the least.

Really I should just post the whole movie...

One of my favorite movies of all time.

Grad School Apps

I hate Grad school apps.  I just started and I am already dreading it.  I have to go into the U of M in order to get my unofficial transcript and an official transcript and pay $25 per transcript.  Gah.  I hate this.  And if I decide to do a masters program then I will be doing this all over again in two more years for law school.  Oh well.

1pt

I was 1 pt away from winning Reserve High Point P/S. At the show.  1 measly little point.  Oh well. I had an amazing show I was rocking on English day with firsts, seconds and thirds and other random placings.  Middle day I had one bad trail pattern and one better trail pattern.  Sprat refused in my hunter hack class but he jumped before it so at least he did it.  And we got disqualified in Show Hack because people are mean and no one told me that the rule changed for show hack that you need to have two numbers.  It's a long story.

And then western day Gail came down and coached me and brought with her one of her clients $2,000 bridles.  Gorgeous.  I had some very nice Western classes and I kinda placed all over the place but it got better and better and now I know how I should be riding him for western and Gail knows what we need to work on for him.

Overall it was a good show.  I am really really going to miss being the queen.  I love all that I get to do for it. I love talking to people and introducing them to the club.  I love that little girls stare at me in awe.  It's a powerful thing.  But I will not be queen after this next banquet.  But I hope someone will.

Good/Bad

Part of my day I felt almost okay.  And then it started to fall apart.  I'll be fine again.  Eventually...

River Falls Monday Night

So at about 10 pm Christy decided we needed to go out and convinced one of her roommates Maria to go with us.  So we went to a Bar called Chasers (why is that such a popular bar name? Are bar owners that unoriginal?) Anyway it was Karaoke night which was not too awful but one girl tried to badly sing several songs that made me want to bash my head against the bar.  BUT! The bartender (Cooter-he wouldn't tell me his real name) gave me a free drink.  And I drank way too much.  I ordered a pitcher of Spotted Cow for the three of us.  Maria sipped maybe a glass for several hours and Christy kept giving me hers so I drank most of the pitcher by myself including several other drinks.  And then a man bought me a screwdriver and we talked about how he doesn't care what he's going to do with his life as long as he gets to coach some level of football.  He asked to take me home.  Flattering as it was it was also really superficial.  The whole bartender hits on you, drunk guy hits on you. Not really my scene most nights but an ego boost none the less since the last couple weeks I've felt not very wanted.  And I just remembered that Christy and I were discussing very loudly with several members of the bar and the bartender about the clit last night and it's promotion should not go unnoticed by the women of river falls.... maybe Christy and I shouldn't drink together...

JACKET

I have a super sweet new jacket that is almost finished and I'm super excited to have it for the show.   I will post pictures after this weekend.  Ahhh, I could just dance.

A good night

I get to see Christy tonight! YAY! I also get to try on my new jacket today and am hoping it's as awesome as I imagined and that it fits. Fingers crossed.

Working out

I have worked out almost everyday this week.  I'm starting to feel better about my body again.  I am going to keep working out until school starts and I'm going to make myself schedule days to work out.

Dear Creepy Man

You have moved down two stoops.  You are still creepy.  Please stop hanging around my house.  For realz. I'll sick my attack dog on you.  She's vicious.

Creepy Man

There was a creepy man on my stoop yesterday evening and he asked if he could come in to use my phone. I told him I didn't have a phone in my apartment and luckily the neighbors were next door on their porch so I sent him to talk to them.

Unfortunately, he was back today.  So I called the cops.  I didn't talk to him today I just didn't feel comfortable having him chilling on my stoop.

My puppy

loves me unconditionally.

Origins of Love

When the earth was still flat,
And the clouds made of fire,
And mountains stretched up to the sky,
Sometimes higher,
Folks roamed the earth
Like big rolling kegs.
They had two sets of arms.
They had two sets of legs.
They had two faces peering
Out of one giant head
So they could watch all around them
As they talked; while they read.
And they never knew nothing of love.
It was before the origin of love.

The origin of love

And there were three sexes then,
One that looked like two men
Glued up back to back,
Called the children of the sun.
And similar in shape and girth
Were the children of the earth.
They looked like two girls
Rolled up in one.
And the children of the moon
Were like a fork shoved on a spoon.
They were part sun, part earth
Part daughter, part son.

The origin of love

Now the gods grew quite scared
Of our strength and defiance
And Thor said,
"I'm gonna kill them all
With my hammer,
Like I killed the giants."
And Zeus said, "No,
You better let me
Use my lightening, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales
And dinosaurs into lizards."
Then he grabbed up some bolts
And he let out a laugh,
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.
Gonna cut them right up in half."
And then storm clouds gathered above
Into great balls of fire

And then fire shot down
From the sky in bolts
Like shining blades
Of a knife.
And it ripped
Right through the flesh
Of the children of the sun
And the moon
And the earth.
And some Indian god
Sewed the wound up into a hole,
Pulled it round to our belly
To remind us of the price we pay.
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile
Gathered up a big storm
To blow a hurricane,
To scatter us away,
In a flood of wind and rain,
And a sea of tidal waves,
To wash us all away,
And if we don't behave
They'll cut us down again
And we'll be hopping round on one foot
And looking through one eye.

Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You were looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart;
We called it love.
So we wrapped our arms around each other,
Trying to shove ourselves back together.
We were making love,
Making love.
It was a cold dark evening,
Such a long time ago,
When by the mighty hand of Jove,
It was the sad story
How we became
Lonely two-legged creatures,
It's the story of
The origin of love.
That's the origin of love.

Despicable Me - Official Trailer #4: Minions Steal YouTube

Oh my goodness. This movie was so fantastic in so many ways. I love children's movies even now. Definitely a must see

A house of my own

I am currently in the middle of a project that might be a bit over my head.  I am stripping the 20 layers of paint off the beautiful wood window in my bathroom.  I hate when people don't paint things correctly.  And I'm growing to hate all the white in my apartment.  I know it's just an apartment (which is partly why it kills me to do any of the things I've been doing) but I'm going to be here at least one more year and I already started so now I'm going to finish it.  I'm also going to paint the bathroom eventually.  And I'm getting paid to do all this because my landlord is going to pay me for the work.  So that does help.

Here is the window mid-stripping:

And here is the paint, isn't it a pretty color?

I'll have more pictures when it is done or at least once I've finished the window because I've already put a lot of hours into redoing it and I'm going to make it pretty gosh darn it!  

Trash the Dress

I would love to do this one day.  I think the photos that come out of these sessions are so interesting and artistic. On the day you're so worried about hurting the dress or getting it dirty you can't really play and do so many of the fun things these brides get to do.  Here are some pictures from Angela who is a photographer from New York.  She just wrote an article about Trash the Dress for Offbeatbride.com

Home

I'm at home.  I like it.  It's familiar and my family is silly and we have puppies that make silly things happen.  It's also difficult because everything is different too.  It should all be the same as when I left except it's not.  Which seems silly to me.  Oh well.  I still like coming home to visit.  I will probably never live here full time again though.   Which is a weird feeling.

In other news, I have zero clue what I'm doing with my life post graduation.  I have a list of possibilities but nothing concrete.  I should talk to someone about all my life ideas.  Someone who has a clue.  Law school is definitely still in the picture but it's more of a several years away type of picture.  Now what to do till then.

Europe

Christy is not going to Europe any longer. :(  I am seriously starting to worry about going to Europe money wise.  I know that it's the experience of a life time but it's also several thousand dollars I do not have. Which scares me.  But, I am going to save money and I will go.  That is final. 

Just gonna wing it

My Africa final is today at 12.  I have not studied.  Well I've studied some.  But not like I should have.  I could be an A student if I tried hard.  Instead I'm smart enough to get B's with some A's and be happy.  Oh well. I hate this class anyway.  I hate stupid people in the class and I hate this stupid class.  I learned hardly nothing because it was taught so badly.  I did come to enjoy my TA though, even if she did try to mother us.

Game Boy Song

I like nerdy songs.

Worst Grade Ever...

So I got my Africa 277 paper back.  I knew it was going to be bad.  I thought I had failed.  But instead I did just better than failing.  Well that's not true.  I got a BC (a very low BC).  I hate myself for not doing better.  Hopefully I can meet with my TA and discuss it with her.  And maybe... just maybe, sneak out a B or close to an AB.  Except it's finals week so I really don't have time to rewrite this paper on top of writing two others.

Sigh.  I hate school.

"I'm such a good wife..."

"I'm the best wife ever! allowing the husband to buy a new tv :)"


This is a facebook status of a girl who I went to h.s. with who recently got married.  


It angers me for several reasons but most specifically because I feel that a relationship is a partnership.  It is not about having control over different aspects of that relationship.  You should discuss and come to agreement.  


Maybe a better status could be "My husband and I decided to buy a new TV for our home!" 


It's two people in a relationship equally together.  There shouldn't be a power balance.  Now certain things are regulated in relationships (i.e. Pat does the dishes when I do the cooking) but any large decisions about our lives are usually spent in discussion and we come to an agreement about how to move forward. We don't share money at the moment but things for the house are bought together.  Like the Desk.  We each shared the cost and came to an agreement about what kind/what should be included.  


I did not "Let" him get a desk.  Nor has he ever "let" me do anything.  

Sometimes

Sometimes it's very frustrating to be in a relationship.  We both are stressed and busy.  On top of that we haven't actually gotten to see each other for several weeks now.  And we won't for another couple of weeks because I have finals and then I have a horse show and then to top all of that off he's leaving to be apart of a drum corp staff for the summer. Awesome.  Sometimes I wonder why life decides to be so cruel.

Summer

Dear School,

I love learning and every year I am very excited to start my classes and learn something new and read things I have not read yet.  Except every year you disappoint me.  It is not about knowledge.  It is about grades.  I hate you for that.  I'm stressed, I have twenty bazillion things to do, and I can't just enjoy learning.  I have to worry about writing and reading with my teachers and TAs in mind in order to get the grades.

This is why you suck.  Please stop.  Thanks. 

Until next finals,
Jessica

Mario Kart Love Song

I love love love this song




lyrics:

V1:
You be my princess
I'll be your toad
I'll follow behind you
on rainbow road
Protect you from red shells
wherever we go
I promise.

V2:
Noone will touch us
if we pick up a star
If you spin out
you can ride in my car
When we slide together
we generate sparks
in our wheels and our hearts

Chorus:
The finish line
is just around the bend
I'll pause this game
so our love will never end
Let's go again

V3:
The blue shell is coming
so I'll go ahead
If you hang behind
it'll hit me instead
but never look back
cause I'm down but not dead
I'll catch up to you

Bridge:
Don't worry about
Bowser or DK
Eat this glowing mushroom
and they'll all fade away

Chorusx2

to the mushroom cup
and the flower cup
and the star cup
and the reverse cup

walalalalala
walalalalalawaluigiiiiii

Europe

I can't stop thinking about Europe.  We have a wiki, a google map, 3 Let's Go books and a book about Hostels. And I spend way too much time procrastinating by reading those books and adding stuff to the wiki from websites.  

And I dream about Europe constantly.  Sometimes I have nightmares about getting lost or kidnapped or whatever but usually they are pleasant dreams of quaint B&Bs, pubs and gorgeous lands I have not seen.

I want to leave now.  Though I have no where near enough money to accomplish this.  Unfortunately I need to lay off the research because it is still school time and I have to get decent grades this semester or say "Bye bye" to law school.

Irish

One of the most exciting things about planning this Europe trip is thinking about being in Ireland.  My second favorite holiday behind Halloween is St. Patrick's Day partially because everyone is Irish on that day.


My pandora station for the last couple of weeks is an Irish/Celtic station.  I've found a lot of amazing artists I didn't know about before because of it. 


We were halfway there when the rain came down
Of a day -I-ay-I-ay
And she asked me up to her flat downtown
Of a fine soft day -I-ay-I-ay
And I ask you, friend, what's a fella to do
'Cause her hair was black and her eyes were blue
So I took her hand and I gave her a twirl
And I lost my heart to a Galway girl 


This is what I'm excited about 

This is a castle on the cliffs near Galway.

And to see the James Joyce house in Dublin. I love Ulysses.  Not just for the literature but what it means for society because it was one of the first books banned from distribution in the U.S. because of "obscenity".  

I am totally a history nerd.  I'm so excited for all the historical things I get to experience, I know there is more to Europe than that but that's what I'm most excited about.