Happy

It's amazing how good I feel.  I'm so energetic and motivated to get stuff done.  I've been having an amazing semester so far and I have been meeting some the most awesome people.  I really recognize how much I gave up of myself and how much I wrapped my own happiness into Pat and his needs.  I realize how unhealthy our relationship was especially the last six months.  None of my own needs were met while I tried to make him feel better about how sucky he was feeling.

After going through something I never want to go through again I'm realizing how much better I feel about my life.  I realize how much better I feel about myself now, how much better I feel about my decisions for what I'm doing with my life.  I get to decide and do what I want without concerning myself with how it will work for Pat while he didn't care how it would work for me when he made decisions.

I've realized how selfish our relationship was and how one sided.  I put effort in while he did what was best (or not necessarily best) for him based on his own wants or how other people preceived him.  Fuck that.  I'm doing what makes me happy.  I'm cooking more again, and exercising all the time. I've taken up meditation which is an amazing tool when I'm flipping out about school and life.

I really honestly hope Pat can figure out how to be happy.  But I'm glad I didn't marry him.  I'm glad I didn't stay with him this whole year because I know that I would just be depressed and moppy instead of happy and having a good time.  I was always so concerned about him. Now I get to be concerned about me.  It's a nice feeling, taking care of me instead of taking care of the both of us.